the most important quality ive learned to have is a solid poker face. for most people they only need it when gambling with money, for doctors its key not to laugh at patients.
during my obgyn rotation (worst month of my life, i gave up porn for that month, never wanted to see another vagina for the rest of my life) i got to deliver 60 babies. everyone thinks thats so great and wonderful. yea its really not. being on the other side of the delivery is one of the most disgusting things ever. not only are you on the recieving end of a woman who hasnt shaved in months, and probably hasnt washed for a few days of sweaty straining, theres the oh so wonderful urination and shitting that are byproducts of telling the woman to push. so while everyone is screaming push push to the mother to be, im yelling "DONT, for Godsake stop pushing!!"
and after all that im supposed to catch this slimy little alien. i have to admit newborns are definitely one of the ugliest things ever, as one lovely mother said "get it the fuck off of me" when i handed her the newborn.
to top it off, some women shouldnt procreate. i was rounding in a hospital in denver, when i stopped by one room to check on a day old baby. the child was named "Orangejello" . ofcourse i did a double take, made sure that someoen didnt drop the hospital food menu list infront of me. so i walk into the room, introduce myself and ask to see how "orange jello' is doing. his mother got quite defensive, and demanded that i pronounce his name "oran-gelo". i didnt know if i should smile or cry for the kid...
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Orangejello... That was a weird name for a kid. I'm enjoying this blog. So true. You know, one of the doctors I work for had a patient who stank of alcohol when he came in to the clinic but denied that he drank when he was asked about his social history. He was like, "Nah. Never touched the stuff." The patient said it with disgust. But his breath stank and his eyes were bloodshot. He totally looked drunk. The doctor had to keep a straight face to stop himself from laughing. But when he made the dictated report, he couldn't stop laughing.
ReplyDeleteCry.Just Cry.I know I would >.< lol
ReplyDeletehaha , i have so many patients that come in lying, you just dont beleive anyone.
ReplyDeleteif a patient says they never drink, means they drink a 6pack a week, if they say they drink a 6pack, think 3x that. worst one was this guy that told me he drank six 6packs a week, i didnt even want to try guessing what he really drank
and dont even get me started on asking 12 yr old girls about their sexual history
yikes, you just got me slightly less enthousiastic about ever having a baby, that's gross :D Why can't it just slide out looking lovely
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