bag job

to some special people from a special city, when hyperventilating, please DO NOT put a plastic bag completely over your head, yes that is why you passed out - just a friendly reminder from your local physician.

nightmares

you know you're a nerd when you're still having nightmares about failing a math test even though you've been out of college for 7 years

Getting your heart racing

comment of the night - I walk into a 30 yr old patients room that the nurses are worried about her low heart rate. Heart rate jumps up from 50 to 87 in 2 seconds. "Well looks like I cured your low heart rate" -- "I'm sure you get all the ladies hearts racing" finally I can market myself - take 1 of Me with food daily

Bright Idea

1st pediatric patient of the day... decided he was hungry and took a bite out of the fluorescent light bulb, and when his mother tried to stop him, he took another bite and ran away from her. mom was upset not because he had glass in his belly, but that he would rather eat a light bulb than her cooking

being a magician

last night I had a patient who demanded to leave by EMS from our hospital to another because he was constipated and refused our medications, then after getting mag citrate he complained of the diarrhea, then he complained about not urinating, finally I got called when his left leg became "paralyzed".

naturally I had to jab him in the leg with a sharp object to make sure he had good pain reception. his leg jumped up.

move over Jesus, I can cure paralysis. :) i love my job